A rich, chocolate-y brownie made solely from dates, nuts, and cocoa powder is sweetened further by a thick dairy-free ganache. So delicious, no one will ever believe it’s vegan and gluten free!
Happy MLK day everyone! Hopefully you have the day off work and can spend your free time crying in preparation for Friday when the human embodiment of a Cheeto takes control of our country!
*pours bottle-sized glass of wine*
How was your weekend? Did you do some yoga? Enjoy a relaxing glass of wine in front of your tv while you snuggled with your significant other? Get rip-roaring drunk at brunch at Johnny Pistola’s and subsequently nap for six hours so you could make it out and accidentally flirt with two married men and then make a quick getaway when one of their wives started getting that scary-mama-bear look in her eyes?
Not that the last thing is based on a true story or anything.
All I’m saying is that I’m no longer allowed at Roofers Union.
To recover from the shitshow that was my Saturday, I spent yesterday with my roommate Lexi and our friend Rachel, watching La La Land (HELLOOOOO two hours of Ryan Gosling) and then eating ramen and sushi at Rakuya. It was lovely, and when Lexi suggested we bake, drink wine, and watch The Bachelor when we got home, I was GAME. We walked back to Columbia Heights, stopped at Giant to stock up for the week, and then settled in as I rifled through the Minimalist Baker cookbook my parents accidentally* got me for Christmas. When I saw a brownie recipe, Lexi and I were SOLD. Lexi poured wine, I got to baking, and we mocked every single word Corinne and Liz said. It was grand.
I highly recommend that you make these brownies and then eat them for breakfast on a Monday because life is short and chocolate is good and you’re not on a television show where you have to fight 29 other women for one guy who I would probably swipe left on Tinder.** Enjoy!
*My parents have no idea what a vegan is, so when I told them I had adopted a vegan diet, they were confused.
“YOU’LL GET SCURVY!” (probably not)
“What do you mean you can’t eat the Christmas ham?” (I mean that I can’t, and I won’t)
“So do you ONLY eat hummus?!” (I mean no, but like pretty much yeah)
**Unless I was drinking heavily which is most days soooo
Fudge Ganache Brownies
Adapted from Minimalist Baker
To make these brownies, you will need:
-1 cup raw walnuts
-1 cup raw almonds
-15 oz dates, pitted (if using dried dates, soak in warm water for 10-15 minutes, then drain)
-1/2 cup cocoa powder
– 1 cup dairy-free dark chocolate chips
– 1/4 cup non-dairy milk (I used coconut)
– 2 T coconut oil, melted
– 3/4 cup-ish powdered sugar (to taste)
– Pinch salt
First up! Line an 8×8″ baking pan with parchment paper and set aside. This recipe is no-bake, so no need to preheat anything!
Add the walnuts and almonds to a food processor or powerful blender, and process until very finely chopped. Add the cocoa powder and salt, and pulse until combined. Don’t process too long, or you’ll end up with nut butter… not that that would be a bad thing, just not what we’re going for today! Empty the chocolate-nut mixture into a bowl and set aside.
Add the soaked dates to the food processor, and process until there are no large chunks remaining. This is when it’s key to have a lot of wine and a very strong food processor – my little guy was literally smoking by the end of this process.
If your food processor isn’t on the verge of exploding, you can add the nut mixture back in and process until combined. I chose to empty them into a bowl and combine using a wooden spoon and brute force. Whatever works for you!
Press the mixture into your prepared pan, then set it in the freezer to chill while you make the ganache.
For the ganache, you’ll first heat your non-dairy milk until it’s HOT. I microwaved mine for a minute, but you could also heat yours in a pot on the stove. Pour the heated milk over the dark chocolate, cover the bowl with plastic wrap, and let sit for 2 minutes to soften. In the meantime, you can melt your coconut oil in the microwave.
Once your 2 minutes are up, stir the chocolate mixture vigorously until no lumps remain. Add in the coconut oil and a pinch of salt, stir to combine, and then let chill in your freezer for about 10 minutes to set up. Once chilled, add powdered sugar 1/4 cup at a time until you reach your desired sweetness. Spread it over the chilled brownies, stick in the freezer til set, slice, and serve! TOTALLY worth all the chilling time – they are SO good.
Now, if anyone wants to buy me a new food processor, I’d love you forever.